alt right: i) right-wing racists who use leftist rhetoric. ii) establishment.
America: i) previously great. ii) already great. iii) never great.
autocracy: change you can believe in.
bubble: what everyone other than you and your followers lives in.
Brexit: mene mene tekel upharsin.
call-out: indefeasible accusation of moral failure.
capitalism: i) history’s greatest engine of prosperity. ii) history’s greatest engine of immiseration.
change: leftists can quote Palin on “How’s it working out for ya?” too!
class, middle: i) no longer exists. ii) powerful voting bloc.
correct, politically: i) correct. ii) incorrect.
cuck(servative)s: conservatives who are coy about their racism and sexism.
democracy: i) a political system that assumes that economic consumers are entirely rational, and that political consumers are entirely irrational. ii) mention Tocqueville.
deplorables, basket of: i) the white working class. ii) when Duke makes a free throw.
economics: the opposite of race. “Actually, ~ explains everything.”
elites, global financial: i) the one percent. ii) Jews.
elites, national: unemployed people who work for free in online media.
electoral college: i) body designed to ensure less prominent regions have a voice in the election of the president, thus mitigating geographical inequality. ii) conservative conspiracy to destroy America. iii) liberal conspiracy to destroy America.
empathy: i) how you solve differences in politics. ii) what great literature teaches us.
establishment: i) global financial elites. ii) national elites. iii) “Can you believe those fascists on the city council won’t let me raise chickens in my backyard?”
exception: note that we’re living in a state of ~.
experience, lived: factive (truth-ensuring) modifier, “In my ~, ______ explains everything.”
fascism: i) the policies of people who disagree with you, still. ii) worth a try?
feminism: i) has run its course. ii) white ~, term of opprobrium. iii) intersectional ~, term of approbation.
freedom: not for everyone.
free trade: left-wing conspiracy to reduce the earnings of Coors, Yuengling, Nascar, the Ultimate Fighting Championship and Carl Icahn.
genocide, white: when the local supermarket sells more bok choy than hamburger patties.
global warming: i) the next genocide. ii) left-wing conspiracy to steal jobs from the white working class.
government: conglomeration of memes.
great: [there is no consensus as to what this word means].
humor: you’re fucking kidding me, right?
hysteria: the new normal.
immigrants: i) not great. ii) “We are a nation of ~.”
imports: i) not great. ii) “Without ~, no more IKEA.”
intellectuals: i) not great. ii) great.
intentions, good: have actually turned out to be better than bad ones.
interests: bemoan people consistently voting against their ~, as you define them.
internet: i) greatest force for democratization since the Second World War. ii) bubble.
intersectional: use in place of “innovation” when talking to intellectuals.
invalidate your experience: disagree.
Islam: radical Islam.
Islam, radical: Islam.
knowledge: no longer power.
language policing: disproportionately targets people who will never, ever have to deal with actual police.
left wing, the: can be found online, complaining about the white working class.
liberal: i) left-wing. ii) liberal. iii) conservative. iv) more nuanced than David Duke.
mansplaining: i) a male speech act induced by a lack of girl-understanding ii) “Well, you surely agree that neither explanation nor understanding is itself gendered. But then, you see, the very idea of ~ is sexist.”
manufacturing: i) dangerous, poorly paid manual labor that took place in the near past. ii) mark of the golden age.
media, mainstream: i) must be supported as a bastion against the press, no matter how inaccurate or irrelevant, or how bad the writing is. ii) “As the Luegenpresse would say…”
memes: have replaced words.
men: i) not women (archaic). ii) sometimes women. iii) “Actually, it’s all ~’s fault.”
men, black: “Have you seen Moonlight?”
men, white: the most oppressed of all minorities.
misogynist: a liberal who thinks Bernie Sanders would have won the election.
neoliberalism: a mournful nostalgia for neoclassical economics and neoconservative foreign policy.
news, fake: i) post-truth presented as the truth. ii) other people’s facts.
news, real: other people’s alternative facts.
normalize: i) come to terms with reality. ii) abandon critical faculties.
not my president: i) a patriotic protest. ii) a millennial protest. iii) did not go over well in Aleppo.
pessimism: thought crime.
Planned Parenthood: i) 80% Auschwitz. ii) ppaction.org/donate.
politics: i) emotions. ii) memes.
politics, identity: i) “As a ______, I think that______.” ii) politics.
polling: ancient twentieth-century form of necromancy.
popular vote: an outdated metric.
press, the: i) www.breitbart.com, ii) RT
private: where you tell the truth.
public: where you tell lies.
race: the opposite of economics. “Actually, ~ explains everything.”
racism: i) systemic. ii) psychological. iii) “Some people just can’t take a joke.”
Republicans: “I miss the old ~.”
resentment: “I don’t understand it, but I really am trying to empathize with the race-baiting, wife-beating, white working-class lynch mob that feels it.”
rigged: (i) the process of electing a Democrat to office. (ii) the process of electing a Republican to office.
RINO: near-extinct species of wildlife now endemic to the Beltway.
Russia: i) wanton hackers of democracy. ii) our greatest ally.
safe space: i) condition of public sphere and freedom of speech. ii) end of public sphere and freedom of speech.
safety pin: i) sign of solidarity with the oppressed. ii) another racist, guilty-liberal trick.
science: i) solution to everything. ii) left-wing conspiracy to undermine America.
science and technology: solution to everything.
snowflake: someone who is wrong and also younger than you.
speech, freedom of: follow the mainstream media for in-depth analysis of how ~ is under threat.
thanks, Obama: i) expression of disgust at the changes brought about by the Obama administration. ii) expression of gratitude for changes brought about by the Obama administration.
troll: white noise.
truth, post-: i) popularized affect theory. ii) your world. iii) this dictionary.
truth, the: uniquely possessed by you and your friends.
whitelash: “Actually, ~ explains everything.”
woke: i) aware of systemic oppression. ii) Discipline and Punish plus venti Blonde Roast con doppio.
working class, white: what you call the working class once it stops voting for you.